When Pepper is away, the Avengers will play
by Clementine Buttersnaps
Summary: *Challenge Accepted sequel* Tony stays at Darcy's under the guise of his penthouse being repainted. He tries to better her apartment, but goes too far. Nobody messes with Betsy. Rated for language.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! Welcome to the sequel to "Challenge Accepted" it's not necessary to read that first, but for some context I recommend it, also I think it's funny. (but hey, that's just the authors opinion.)**

 **Anyway, I'm not labeling this a crossover, but there will be a few characters from other comics showing up.**

 **Also, there's part of a dirty joke in here, so don't read the whole thing which will be at the bottom in my authors note if you're not into those, mmmkay?**

 **...**

Darcy was having a great day, she was relaxing on the couch watching Supernanny while her super hot archer rubbed her feet; Coulson should be the one popping her toes, (Yeah, she suckered him into that one.) but no, he had to go play shoot 'em up and spy with his sexy arachnid. (Darcy is confident enough in her sexuality to admit that Natasha has some serious goods.) -Who by the way, are not fooling anyone. If they go on one more mission and come back unmarried, Darcy is going to slip them a mickey and drive them to Vegas herself.- Things were good, she was finally in her own space, Clint adored her, but he also had a healthy fear of her. He popped in one day while she was cleaning her taser and literally got the shock of his life. He tries to call before coming over now, or at least knocking before entering.

Darcy had just reached for the remote when there was obnoxious knocking coming from her door. Darcy swung off the couch with an aggravated grunt and trudged to the door. "If you aren't free food you will seriously regret interrupting my TV time!" She yelled before opening the door, revealing one Tony Stark.

Tony Stark with a suitcase.

Tony Stark with a suitcase and puppy dog eyes.

"Puppy eyes don't work on me Stark, I invented that shit."

Tony dropped the face quickly. "Look, squirt, the place is being repainted, and I'm pretty sure you owe me." He said shoving passed her.

"Please do come in," she said sarcastically.

"Don't mind if I do," Tony paused to look around and noticed Clint still on the couch. "Oh, is this your little love nest, Bird Boy?" Tony asked wiggling his eyebrows. "Well, I'll get to the point."

"Is there one?" Darcy muttered, but was ignored.

"I need a place to stay for a few days, and you owe me, devil. Now," Tony clapped his hands. "Where is the guest room?" He asked, dramatically looking around.

"Wait a minute, doesn't the Tower have like fifty million apartments you could stay in?" Darcy asked, genuinely confused.

"I have a penthouse, do you really think I can lower myself to stay with the riff raff in the apartment levels?"

Clint made a disgruntled noise but was ignored, as per usual when Tony and Darcy found themselves in battle.

"And what, my craphole is the Plaza?"

"I crave human interaction," he said shrugging his shoulders.

"You literally live with a team of super heroes. Why don't you take Cap to a strip club and see how long it takes him to blush."

"Two minutes!" Clint said enthusiastically, holding his hand up, Darcy gave him his high five with just as much excitement.

"I once made him blush with a joke." Darcy supplied.

"Oh yeah, which one?" Clint asked, thinking of sordid things to tell Steve.

"What do women and spaghetti have in common?"

Clint thought for a moment but was stumped.

"They both-"

"Alright, so, bedroom is this way?" Tony interrupted, not liking the attention was taken away from him.

Darcy looked at him for a minute, she knew he was wanting to get back at her. Meh, it could be fun.

"Yeah, no. You are surfing the couch my red and gold friend. Besides, that bed has seen Clint's naked butt too many times for you to be comfortable.

Clint snickered. She might have bossed them together, but with that smart mouth and quick wit, he probably would have asked her out anyway.

"Good point. So, the couch is safe?" He asked, looking at the piece of furniture as if it were a giant bug.

"Eh, enough," Darcy shrugged.

Tony regarded her for a moment, looked at a smirking Clint and heaved a sigh. "Do you have sheets I can put on?"

Darcy laughed evilly.

After being in her apartment for two hours Tony decided it needed to be better. He upgraded her refrigerator and had a variation of Jarvis installed that he called Bennett (Because, yes, Darcy didn't hear enough Pride and Prejudice comments growing up) it was helpful. It inventoried her food and recommended recipes, and just to spice things up, commented on her caloric intake.

 _"Perhaps a small salad to go with your burger and fries, miss Darcy?"_ The AI would say in its stupid British accent.

What was with Tony and British accents anyway?

He bettered her hot water heater without telling her, causing her to burn her most favorite body parts.

He bettered her television into showing only the Playboy channel.

He even brought Dum-E on the second day to help with the chores; but he has since been banished to the corner to act as a coat rack since he got over excited and smashed all of her plates.

But his final mistake was when he messed with Betsy.

...

Darcy had just come back from her shift at the theater, a new romcom just came out so she had to endure the endless chatter of young girls and old ladies not getting any at home swoon over some cookie cutter face and nice body. She just wanted to get home, ignore Tony, take a bubble bath and then gossip with Coulson over Skype about the latest reject from America's Next Top Model.

Well that cow got shot in the face when she opened the door to see her quasi roommate haunched over small pieces of machinery. She got a little closer to see what he was working on. Her heart stopped when she recognized the black handle in Tony's hand- she had been running late for work and couldn't find her taser, Tony had stepped in and gave her a watch that doubled as a mace dispenser- now here he was, murdering her precious baby, the carnage spread on her table.

"Oh hey, sweet cheeks, I took the liberty of making some improvements to your little toy here. This thing can take down a horse now." Tony said fondly, patting the piece in his hand.

Little toy?

A toy?!

Darcy stood still for a moment; she was normally an easy going gal, but at that moment she has never felt such a rage in her entire life; which would surprise you, if you've ever spent any time with the Lewis family.

"Speechless, Hun? Well no need to thank me-"

"Thank you? That was a gift from my grandmother on her death bed. It took down the freaking god of thunder! She didn't need any improvements." Darcy calmly (not really) informed Tony.

Tony's face broke into a sweat at the mention of it being a gift from a dead grandma. "Uh, well. Hmm... Sorry?" Tony offered awkwardly.

"Put her back together and get out." Darcy demanded.

Tony was frozen momentarily, he has never been on the receiving end of such anger (that doesn't include fighting for his life) he was just trying to make the damn thing work better. But he knows how crazy this chick can get. "Uh, yeah, I'll do that." He said, clearing his throat.

Tony lives in a state of fear for the next week, Darcy never acknowledges what Tony has dubbed the "Betsy incident", and he may or may not flinch every time Darcy raises her hands but after a week of silence he lets his guard down.

And what a mistake that was...

 **...**

 **For those of you who want the punch line to the joke (for those who don't, feel free to skip this.)**

 **What do women and spaghetti have in common?**

 **(They both wiggle and jiggle when you eat them. Ba dum tish!)**

 **Yes, sorry incredibly awkward. I once over heard my brother say that joke. And I figure (in my story) Darcy has a crazy family, she's heard a thing or two.**

 **I already have the next installment outlined, just got to type it up. But if you've got an idea for a prank feel free to leave a request, perhaps I'll make a new super hero (or villain) in your honor! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello, hello, hello! Pretty quiet here, no worries, I see one person favorited, so this chapter is for you, Senchi Codo, thanks for reading!**

 **...**

It was a normal day like any other- well as normal as Tony Stark could ask for- He had just gotten off the phone with Pepper, the little devil had rattled on him and Pepper was punishing him by extending her business trip another week.

Tony was feeling a little glum, the Tower was uncharacteristically empty, he didn't feel any motivation to do the science!, but he knew bad things happened if he wasn't busy with something.

He had a new idea for the suit that would improve the range of the things that go !boom! In the suits hands. (He had finally realized that most people didn't understand any of the amazing science that spewed from his mouth- besides his science bro- so why bother speaking the science to the people of average intelligence?) So with that in mind, he went to the labs.

"Good morning, Sir, do you require anything?" Jarvis greeted him.

"No thanks, buddy, just some sweet tunes and privacy." He said rolling his chair to his computer and pulling up the suits blueprints.

Just as he was starting the new improvements the upbeat melody of "Best of Both Worlds" started to twang through the speakers.

"Jarvis, why is Hannah freaking Montana playing in my lab?"

"I apologize, Sir, but this is from your work playlist."

"Well, get rid of it." Tony commanded, getting back to the task at hand.

The song cut off and was replaced by "Bye, Bye, Bye" Tony growled in frustration. "What the hell, Jarvis? Turn this crap off." Tony yelled over he music.

"Apologies, Sir, your playlist seems to have been tampered with."

"Any chance you can tell me who?" Tony asked, although already knowing the answer. He knew that crazy Gnome wouldn't drop the Betsy incident. He figured she deserved her revenge, the taser was like her baby, he totally understood; but to mess with a mans work mojo music? Unforgivable.

"I believe you already know, Sir." The AI replied.

Tony sighed, "Whatever, just play some AC/DC."

The screen of the monitor started to flicker before the blueprints were replaced by a video of 3 young men with long blond hair singing about something called "Bop"

"Those are the ugliest girls I've ever seen," Tony muttered.

He had to give it to sweet heart this time, she was out playing him. But not one to be deterred, he embraced it, tapping his foot to the catchy beat he finished his work on his Starkpad. And finally after all the maths and science-y stuff was done he could finally get his hands on his baby and get some real work done.

He walked to the case that housed the suit and when he opened the metal door with a hiss and flourish of smoke (even in private Tony was a very dramatic man.) the suit was pushed forward on a track. Tony dropped the parts in his hand in shock.

The suit hand been repainted; his baby had been molested by the hands of some ruffian and defiled.

Gone was the gleaming red and gold, now in front of Tony stood a suit painted pink and white; a Hello Kitty sticker over the window for his arch reactor.

Time stood still and Tony forgot how to breathe.

Crackling came over the speakers, replacing the Spice Girls with maniacal laughter. "It's not so fun when people mess with your things is it, Stark?" More evil laughter. "Your move, Lewis out!" Her voice was gone and the Spice Girls resumed their confusing song about lovers and friends.

Tony looked at his suit again, anger and sorrow tugging at his gut, also a bit of admiration; he wondered if Pepper would let him adopt the little devil.

But Tony's mischievous side won out, he pulled out his phone and dialed a number.

"Hey, Parker, congrats, you're on Team Stark." Tony hung up before the bewildered teen could respond, sending him a text message demanding to meet him after school to strategize.

If the kitten wanted to play, Tony was going to show her who was boss.

...

 **I had fun thinking of cheesy songs to taunt Tony with.**

 **And, whoop whoop, Spider-Man is coming to party!**

 **The line Tony says about the Hansen boys being ugly girls was something my father said when that video came out. He thought they really were girls and there was nothing I could say to convince him otherwise.**

 **Also the Hello Kitty suit was not my idea, RDJ posted an image on his Facebook, credit goes to the artist, who ever you are.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello and welcome back! Still pretty quiet on this fic, but I know you guys are reading, which is awesome!**

 **Thank you to the new followers and those who favorited since the last chapter-**

 **Akiko Uzumaki**

 **AltyEx**

 **darkest passion of love (digging that name, man!)**

 **Daughter of Ironman06**

 **Thanks for coming back, hope you guys enjoy the new chapter!**

 **...**

Peter Parker sat back and looked at the billionaire in confusion. "So, let me get this straight; you tear apart-" "Improve," Tony interrupts.

"Whatever, you 'improve' her taser- which she has an unhealthy attachment to- and she gets you back messing with your music and repainting your suit?"

"Yeah, sounds about right. Look, kid, are you in or are you out?" Tony asks impatiently.

"I don't know, she once gave me a wedgie in my suit for taking the last donut."

"You're still a little new around here, we make sure mini me is fed first, we never get her wet, and we never feed her after midnight."

"Did you just compare Darcy to a Gremlin?" Peter asks, wide eyed.

Tony stares blankly at him. "Never heard of them," he says dismissively.

"Thor almost lost a pinky finger when he found her Skittles stash in Jane's lab." Peter says seriously.

"All in fun," Tony says shrugging his shoulders. "Tick tock, Parker."

"I like Darcy, and she scares me; I don't think this is a good idea." He said scratching his neck. It was true, Darcy was cool, she might be a little crazy when it came to the things she saw as hers (people included); but she always saved him a seat on movie night, she even got Mary Jane to agree to go out with him. And by agreeing he means walking up to her after school and pointing at him across the quad and telling her was a "righteous dude" he was. And that he was an "undiscovered hottie" and she "better climb him like a tree before another monkey takes the banana, know what I'm sayin'?"

"Yeah, yeah, she helped Spider-Man get laid. Big deal, I can have at least ten women here in fifteen minutes." Tony said in irritation. Peter blushed, realizing he said most of that out loud. "Alright, you do this itty bitty thing, and I'll pay for your girl to go to school. You know, for like, all of it."

"Whoa, seriously?" Peter almost shouts.

"Yeah, sure. What's a couple hundred grand. She messed with my mojo, Parker. I have to win."

Peter was in a pickle, on one hand he was a little more than terrified of getting on her bad side. Their friendship had been easy- she walked up to him at his welcome dinner, looped her arm though his and said they were going to be best friends, and then asked him to web up her land lord because he always looked down her shirt- she was like the louder, bossier sister he didn't ask for. But he knew Mary Jane was having a hard time and her parents weren't helping, so he really didn't have a choice.

"Alright, what do you want me to do?" He asked, slumping in his chair. Hopefully he wouldn't receive too much of Darcy's wrath for this.

Tony grinned wickedly. "Don't you worry that beautiful, bed head of yours. I just need you to get her out of her apartment for a few hours, I'll take care of the rest."

...

Darcy was pleasantly surprised when Peter showed up at her door with a cup of coffee and a box of fresh donut holes. He said he was going to show her the city through the eyes of a real New Yorker, and that obviously meant crappy diner food, smelly, muggy subway rides and watching him skateboard around Central Park for an hour. But she didn't complain, Peter was adorkable, and he always made her laugh with his Spider-Man tales.

He had been checking his phone randomly all morning, but just said he was expecting a call from MJ. His phone had finally beeped and he practically dragged Darcy home.

Before she opened her door Peter stopped her. "Wait, whatever happens after you open the door I want you to know I was blackmailed." He said nervously. Darcy narrowed her eyes at him before opening the door.

Nothing seemed amiss so she ventured further in. A Starkpad was on her counter and turned on when she stopped in front of it. It was a live feed of Tony sitting in a high backed leather chair, a stuffed white cat on his lap that he was petting absently. It was all very Dr. Claw.

"You're finally home, sweet cheeks, great work, Parker."

Darcy looked at Peter who held his hands up in surrender. "I was just a decoy, I don't know what his plans are."

"Because I knew you'd sell me out, you're almost as bad as Capsicle. 'Mmm 'Merica, I can't tell a lie, watch your language, blah, blah, blah-"

"Tony!" Darcy cut in.

"Right," Tony cleared his throat. "I have something that belongs to you," he said resuming his petting of the stuffed animal.

The camera panned away from him to show a taser suspended over a tank of water filled with Swedish Fish. She rummaged through her purse and pulled out Betsy; only to see a piece of paper tapped to the back that simply said _"Not the real Betsy."_

"Damn it, Stark, I thought I told you how important she is?" Darcy huffed.

Tony giggled. "Oh believe me, I remember; but I also have a few surprise guests, Jarvis, please." The camera zoomed out to show two elderly women at Tony's side, drinking coffee and eating cake.

"Mee Maw and Nana?" Darcy asked, bewildered.

"That's right, both of your grandmothers are here; and wouldn't you look at that? Both of them are alive and well!"

"I can't believe my bunny would lie and say that one of us were dead." Mee Maw said, Nana nodded in agreement.

"Thank God your papa isn't here to see this. Imagine how disappointed he would be," Nana said taking a sip of her coffee.

"Well, Mee Maw, Nana; I for one am shocked. Do you know she also broke into my lab and had my suit repainted?" He asked, putting the puppy eyes into overdrive.

"Darcy! Mr. Ironman's suit?" Mee Maw exclaimed.

Darcy fidgeted on the spot, she could handle her parents disappointment, but knowing she upset her Nana and Mee Maw was unbearable. She explained what happened with the taser, but they were having none of it. Tony looked far too pleased. They demanded she come to the Tower and apologize to Tony; Tony smirked at the camera before it shut off.

Darcy turned around to see Peter standing awkwardly behind her, she slapped his chest and pushed him out of her apartment.

After apologizing to her grandmothers satisfaction and then some they all sat and had more cake.

When her grandmothers were getting their things and saying goodbye Tony went to the tank to get Betsy down. He smiled and waved at the older women leaving his lab. When they were out of sight his smile dropped- and so did Betsy. The taser fell into the tank with a short buzzing sound before it was quiet.

Darcy looked from the tank to the smug smile on Tony's face, her mouth gaping open- Peter hung back, not sure what to do- before Darcy lunged at Tony, tackling him to the ground. Her anger only reaching new levels when Tony had the audacity to laugh at her furious punches.

Peter took out his phone and sent a quick text.

A moment later Darcy was being hauled off of Tony by Thor's large arms. "This isn't over, old man!" Darcy yelled as Thor took her from the room.

Tony sighed and stood up. "You did good, Parker. Now, we plan defense." He said clapping him on the shoulder and marching to a computer.

"He's paying for MJ's tuition. He's paying for MJ's tuition. He's paying for MJ's tuition." Peter repeated, trailing after the genius.

...

 **Whoop there it is!**

 **Side note- I don't like Mary Jane. But her being poor with crappy parents (at least as portrayed in the original trilogy) worked better for this story. I'm a Gwen/Peter shipper (sorry if anyone disagrees with either pairing, but I can't please everyone)**

 **Yes, I did throw a Gremlins AND Inspector Gadget reference in there. Plus, I totally see Tony watching Inspector Gadget Saturday mornings in his Captain America boxers eating his cereal. Hehe.**

 **And Swedish Fish are a red gummy candy, they're delicious. Try them.**

 **And of course, Darcy makes friends the same way she gets dates, she tells them. And good guy Peter is too sweet (and scared) to say no. And seriously, who wouldn't want to be friends with Darcy? She's hilarious!**

 **Anywho, feel free to review, it's totally cool.**


End file.
